sábado, noviembre 17, 2007

Un primo bajo la picana

Uno de mis primos, hombre de cincuenta y tantos, quien ha estado bajo presión económica, familiar y religiosa por decenios, ha sucumbido a una engañosa distorsión de la realidad y sufre de una paranoia acrecentada por la presencia sostenida de los factores que lo pusieron bajo estrés todos estos años. Comoquiera que la paranoia parece ser el mínimo común de los cubanos, quiero compartir con mis lectores algunas ideas que me trae este hecho.

El deporte nacional nuestro es el doble -pensar. Como señalara Orwell, esta necesaria práctica se apoya en la modificación del lenguaje hablado y escrito. Cualquier conversación de dos personas puede lastrarse por la sospecha de alguno de ellos de que está siendo marcado. Una advertencia: el índice señalando hacia el techo con movimientos circulares, debe interpretarse como llamado a la prudencia verbal sin que por eso ninguno de los dos esté sufriendo alucinaciones.

Ideas o ilusiones fijas, sistematizadas y lógicas nos mantienen mirando al mundo a través de una plancha de acrílico deforme. Nuestra realidad es observada por todos, cubanos o no, desde adentro o desde afuera, a través de láminas de colores distorsionantes. La realidad cubana está en la mente de los paranoicos, son los que la conservan intacta, los únicos que pueden hablar de ella con propiedad. Los envidio porque la aceptan como es, no tratan de comprenderla. Sus explicaciones no resisten la segunda o tercera pregunta, pero no se necesita más que su emoción, su deseo de estar seguros, la tranquilidad con que admiten que se les induzca el sueño por días enteros, que les desconecten sus dendritas, que los pongan bajo la picana a ver si todo se aclara, si desaparecen esos baches que deforman el mundo, esas ondulaciones del aire que tiran abajo las piedras de los edificios, que traen puñales; ese presente onírico con la piel punteada, irreversiblemente fea.

A este primo lo conozco desde mi infancia. Una especie de líder de la muchachada, el primero que montaba bicicleta para llevar las cantinas de la fonda de su mamá, el que más lejos llegaba bajo el agua, en la época en que el río Guaso tenía agua. Nos retratamos el mismo día, recientes aún mis cinco años, cuando a él le faltaba poco para cumplir siete. He vuelto a ver esas fotos: yo, camisa a cuadros, cabezón, con las cejas llegando a mis pestañas, enfoco al fotógrafo sin saber que me cegará de un relámpago. Él, camisa blanca, un chichón en la frente donde destaca el brillo de la luminaria cenital, la boca cerrada a la cual le faltan dos dientes, mira a lo alto sin temor.

No sabíamos que Guantánamo, nuestra ciudad, estaba perdiendo hasta el polvo. Que nos perdería a nosotros. Primero a mí, que al año siguiente comencé una carrera de habanero, de la que nunca he llegado a graduarme. Sus padres demoraron un lustro todavía en perder el sostén (la fonda, quiero decir) y dejar la ciudad cuadriculada para venir a una casa que nunca ha dejado de caerse.

Muchas veces acudió a rescatarme. Cuando no hallaba la forma de decirle a aquella chica, perfumada con agua de violetas, que deseaba tanto su consentimiento que no me atrevía a pedírselo, él simplemente la llamó y la puso frente a mí, no dejándome otra opción que balbucir incoherencias decepcionantes. Su "no" me proporcionó tal sentimiento de liberación que nunca más volví a demorar mis declaraciones. En otra ocasión, vino en mi defensa cuando un chico mayor me quitó la pelota, recibiendo en mi lugar la más sonora bofetada que haya escuchado y que me convirtió en ardiente pacifista por el resto de mi vida.

Su carácter heroico lo llevó a la profesión más común en Cuba: maestro. También, a convertirse en sostén de sus padres, con la manía indómita de la hospitalidad infinita hacia esos parientes voraces que prolongan sus estancias en la capital durante semanas, meses y hasta años. A soportar sin respuestas ofensivas los desplantes y las críticas veladas o directas que le han hecho por sus amores, por sus creencias o por sus fracasados emprendimientos. La pobreza, apenas mitigada por segundos trabajos, esporádicos envíos desde el extranjero y la "lucha" tradicional del cubano.

¿Cuántos hemos sucumbido a la tentación de escapar de esos demonios? ¿Y si es demasiado tarde?

Puede llegar una mañana en que notemos que susurran a nuestro paso. Que se hacen señas. El aire distorsiona la luz, los edificios se guiñan con las ventanas. Y los hombres llevan bultos en las medias, la cintura, las axilas. Las casas no se caen porque sean viejas, modificadas, humedecidas, salitradas. Lo hacen para ponernos la vida más difícil: sus paredes tienen bolsillos, sus techos nos vigilan y todo se rompe cuando más problemas puede causar.

Y los vecinos. Tras sus amables saludos, sus ofertas de apoyo, esconden la intención de quitarnos la vida. La quieren porque les pagan mucho por ella, porque la exige un pavoroso enemigo espiritual.

Y así llegamos a disfrutar el sosiego de ver todo de blanco, la seguridad de sentirse bien atado a la cama, el descanso del sopor inducido. Que desaparezca el acucio, el llamado a la lucha, la sensación de fracaso. Que llegue la picana a borrar la angustia. Que venga la paz.

Esperar con ella hasta que fructifique la conspiración y el enemigo se apodere de nuestro soplo vital.

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