sábado, diciembre 01, 2007

La maldá

Todas las mujeres tienen la maldá

de llamar a sus maridos por la madrugá

El guaguancó, berreado por las voces de treinta adolescentes, con el acompañamiento de golpes en el suelo, las paredes y los asientos de la guagua y en las míticas maletas de madera aherrojadas por sólidos candados, todavía retumba en mis oídos cuarenta años después. Y es que mi esposa suele despertarme frecuentemente en las noches, cuando el insomnio la aqueja.

Soy un tipo de buen dormir y cuando yazgo boca arriba soy capaz de "roncar como un sochantre" como diría el amigo Bécquer. Trabajo mucho y el agotamiento me ayuda a caer en sopor profundo que duraría hasta la mañana de no ser por mi compañera nocturna. Ella también trabaja mucho, pero su agotamiento le llena la cabeza de informes y comprobantes. A veces su sueño inquieto se rompe con el temor de haber perdido el reloj, de estar desamparada en medio de la calle o de tener la casa llena de ladrones. En otras ocasiones son mis ronquidos los culpables. La mayor parte de las veces no importa la razón.

Porque esas despertadas nocturnas son la sal de la vida. Están llenas de arrumacos, caricias y otros amores. Sin abrir completamente los ojos, sin desperezarme ni averiguar dónde estoy, dedico un buen rato a poblar el futuro de momentos olvidados, hasta escuchar su respiración tranquila, llena de la calma de dejarme despierto en su lugar.

Pero yo tengo un buen método para dormirme. Hay tres novelas que gusto reciclar constantemente en mi memoria: Crimen y Castigo, El Rojo y el Negro y Sinhué el Egipcio. Me suelo contar su historia a partir de un momento cualquiera, como si al azar hubiese abierto el libro y lo comenzase a leer. Muchas veces, emulo con Mika o Fiódor y trato de correr la gran aventura del espíritu que fue sentarse a escribir tales monumentos. Otras, vivo las penurias de Sorel, atenazado por su ambición, por la conciencia de su superioridad sobre aquellos que lo relegan.

O disfruto con Sinhué, el que es solitario, de las peripecias de su vida, sus crímenes, sus amores. Elige sentirse solitario a pesar de estar rodeado de cortes, ejércitos, pacientes, amigos y amantes. Un amigo, Kaptah, lo acompaña en toda su carrera. Muchas mujeres calentaron su lecho. Es solitario porque se sabe único. Cada ser humano es único, pero muchos no lo sienten.

En camino a dormirme, cuando ya mi mujer ha dejado de vagar entre los temblores del insomnio, me pregunto si yo también soy solitario. Si este cuerpo que calienta mis noches, esta mujer que me trae una felicidad llena de ruidos, problemas, inquietudes y angustias; si mis hijos, que me alegran con sus noticias, mi familia, mis amigos, compañeros, alumnos, vecinos, han logrado disolver mi coraza de hombre solitario. Me sé único y sólo yo debo resolver mis conflictos éticos. A mí me toca decidir si ser o no ser. Hay una parte aquí adentro que no puede ser visible y es la que me hace solitario.

Cuando me meto en filosofías, demoro más en regresar a mi tranquilo mundo de sueños. Puede costarme un buen dolor de cabeza que me dure todo el día por falta de descanso nocturno. Debe ser mejor para mi salud conciliar el segundo sueño imaginándome a la espera de que me guillotinen o que el inspector me cace después de haber asesinado a hachazos a dos ancianas. Uno nunca sabe. Quizás deba entusiasmarme con otros libros.

Pero no, renunciar a ser despertado.Dormiría peor si mi mujer no tuviera la "maldá" de llamar a su marido por la madrugá".

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